I know I'm a bit late, but I'm finally on steroids.
Yes, I realize it took awhile, but I'm finally on par with such fine/disgraced athletes as Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, and Rafael Nadal (reveal forthcoming).
The reason for this, and I hate to dedicate yet another post to the matter, but my broken ribs. Apparently the ribs themselves have healed fully, as evidenced during my latest doctor's appointment in which the Korean bastard kneaded, twisted, lifted, pulled, pushed, and tested every square inch of my theretofore cracked ivory. I squealed not a once.
I'm on a ten day course of Prednisone and this is day numero dos. So far, I feel great. I woke up yesterday after a five hour mini sleep and played three hours of bangball tennis in the morning, cleaned house like a Molly Maid, and then looked for supplementary/new employment. Today I woke up after a three hour mini sleep and went to work, transferring a two hundred-plus pound MS patient as if she were nothing more substantial than a bag of rice to be heaved onto a pallet.
My observations so far: steroids are really amazing. Of course I realize at some point the penis shrinkage will kick in, but thus far I'm still hung like a garden gnome as opposed to a sea horse. I have the energy of a six year old (well, a six year old that wasn't me, because I was a lethargic little guy). It seems to, oddly, make me more outgoing (or is that aggressive?). I spearheaded a trip to a local pizza joint last night with my tennis crew to watch the Giants epic win last night, passed a homeless person and initiated a money exchange, and have been smiling at every passing passably attractive woman below sixty and/or without a walking device.
So, it's five days at two pills apiece, three days at a pill apiece, and then two days on halfsies. Does this mean I'll feel half as Superman in three more days? I dunno, maybe like The Wolverine instead of The Man of Steel. Will I be able to snap those last two pills with my meager human strength or will I have to resort to the trusty plastic pill guillotine?
And I just noticed this, but even my writing seems to me more fluid and enjoyable, although I'm not sure whether it's increased brain mass or what. Could steroids possibly turn Sammy Sosa into Faulkner? Stuff to think about, for sure.
